on this day i stand up to see where is my life taking me. i realise that its not going to be a cake walk. let me start from the beggining of this phase of my life.

last year at this time i was so happy that i got a job. i thought that i was so lucky that i got placed. but who knew that this is gonna be a thorny way. and i will be alone. i was an average student in iit. or i should say below average. i had no hopes of getting a job other than software. but i did not give up. finance looked like hot place to be at that time. then this company came to the campus. it was futures trading job and when i saw my name in the shortlist i couldnt believe my eyes. i never imagined that doing something like this with my qualifications was possible. anyways i started preparing for the interview. i asked my friends who got into good finance companies that what all should i study. i studied about stocks, about bonds and god knows what all. then finally the interview date came. i dressed up pseudly in newly purchased formal dress. put on a neck tie and go for the interview. in the interview they ask me whats ur date of birth and time of birth. and why do u want to join this job. and what my parents do. and if i hold valid passport or not. i thought this is just some intro kinda thing and the main interview is going to follow. but to the chock of my life this was the final interview. i had a miserable next week thinking if i will get this job or not. there some other good jobs in that week which i did not prepare for and didnt even write the test well. because this one looked so good. finally the result day came. i went to placement office and find out that i have been selected. i thought like i have hit a jackpot. i was so happy. i still remember myself dancing and jumping in the placement office itself. how insane was i. i went out with friends and gave them treat. mind you the treat was bigget job treat i have ever heard of. 16000 Rs. anyway i thought that i am gonna earn much more "euros". now when i think of all that i can only laugh at my destiny. the rest of months in iit were essentially picnic. i went home and came back to join the job which i considered "pseud". my friends started teasing me saying that soon i am gonna become crorepati and all. i told then it was all bullshit. but insdie somewhere i had a feeling that they were right.

i came to office for the first day. it was in a pseud hotel conference room and laughed and thought what a pseud company i got into. then training started. we learnt lot of things. about trading about bonds. about finance. when i look back i can surely say that this was the best part of my job life till now. we started trading in simulation markets. soon enough we were ready to start trading in live markets. then one fine day we are told that the bonus which was supposed to be 15% will be given in 2 installments 7.5% now and rest after 6 months. it came as a shock. because if u lose next month then the last mothns 7.5% will compensate for that loss and wont get anything. so it is essentially 7.5% only. i thought okay fine. let it be. i have to learn and at this point in my life money is not the most important thing. then 2 guys were fired( 1 for not trading according to instructions and other for unknown reasons). everyone was stunned. soon enough we realised that those guys were fired just to scare other guys. then 2 guys left the job. ( now i can say all those guys were lucky). then lot of more shocks came coming. and slowly slowly i started to realise that i cant stay in this job for long. i thought i will hang on for sometime learn a lot of things. but then the 2 mentors were fired. we were left without a mentor. anyways everyone continued doing whatever they were so did i. then soon enough we were given a contract to sign. i didnt want to sign that contract. i thought no one wanted. it was shitty. we did informal meetings and decided no one is gonna sign it. but one fine i come to office and find out that i am among 3-4 motherfuckers who have not signed it. then i had to sign it. then after that things started getting worse and worse and worse. i started getting pained with anything which company was doing. it is so painful. slowly i realised what the company's policy was. it was to " screw these indian bastards to maximum extent. and then pay them like some fucking waitors in england. they would be happy. and we earn like crazy. "
i was getting pained with each day in office. and now the status is that i dont feel like working. i want to get another job. but there are no trading jobs. and for other finance jobs i am not elligible. because i dont have any finance background. so i have no choice but to stick with this company or join a software job. none of which i want to do. i couldnt do what i wanted to do. and i what i can do is what i dont want to do. but life moves on. hopefully it will show me some way to get out of this situation soon. i feel weak. i feel betrayed. i feel annoyed.